"You'd Have Remembered That!"

So said my doctor after administering a test for certain sexually transmitted diseases during my standard Actually, Your Heart Is Healthy But You Need A Physical physical. Said test involved the brief insertion of, I guess, a swab, or a Q-tip, or something, into a portion of my anatomy I've been known to stress as emphatically having an understood if invisible sign hung over it that says: "Exit Only." I thought I'd been tested for these infections when I was in college, but either I wasn't or the test they administered was different, because I'd definitely never experienced that particular sensation before. Prior to the administration she said, "I'm sure it's not that painful," and I half-shouted "How would you know?! Do you listen when guys tell you pregnancy isn't a big deal?" Dr. G-O made a reasonable point about the relative size of the foreign objects under discussion, so I hastened to make clear that I was referring to the value of the opinion, not trying to engage in misery poker - after all, how the hell would I know? (It wasn't that painful, but it was quite unpleasant. I imagine it's the sort of thing you could get used to.) I've found that in general I have a higher-than usual need, at the doctor's, to lean on the constant wisecracks, probably to deflate the awkwardness of being all but naked in front of a relative stranger. "Are you sexually active?" "Well, in principle." I'd like to be able to pull off the air of a guy who is completely businesslike and unflappable when being poked and prodded, but remember that I can't piss in a cup when people are waiting for it (and this was, in fact, an issue today!), so the prospect of getting checked for testicular cancer by a lady I've met once before in my life is a bit of a stressor, if you will.

More goes on in my life than my boring adventures in routine medical care, but frankly, being in the depths of a severe depressive period is great news for my exhaustion, apathy, and general anhedonia, but extremely bad news for my blogging.